it all started a few weeks ago when my eldest son needed an hawaiian shirt for a themed party - 14yo style. to my sheer disbelief there was not one piece of appropriate clothing to be found in our house. so i was off to ******** (opportunity/thrift store) of course. & there it was in all it's glory. the perfect shirt for him. & hibiscus embellished billabong boardies in his size. what a find.....little did i know that my real life was about to be revealed to me.
after parting with my $6 for both items, somehow i was signed up to volunteer at the store once a month....starting on a tuesday. yes, of course i'd love to. yes the 13th sounds fine. in the bat of an eye i had agreed to volunteer in the middle of school holidays, with an already overloaded schedule, a husband interstate that day & not energy enough to even shake my head. how did that happen? shit. i know i wanted to do more community service....but.....fuck, i can barely clothe myself on my rare days off of late. let alone cook, clean or have sex! now i am fucking volunteering at ********! shit, now i have to lie to them - the thrift store that do so much for the community.... i have an extra child that day & it will be physically impossible - for more than one reason.
how do i get myself into these situations?
so, it appears i am playing dress-ups. i am pretending to be a fabulous svelte little wife & mother, who homecooks every meal, has a spotless house, dresses in beautiful clothes, has an amazingly important & fulfilling job & who never complains.
the truth is i am absolutely exhausted, can barely think about eating, let alone cooking or exercising. the 3 week growth on my legs is annoying even me. i have beard. my floors are filthy. i got my husband nigel's new book - overworked & underlaid - for bedtime reading to keep him busy (& to try & convince him he is not alone). i haven't cooked a meal in 4 nights. i can't be arsed in communicating with anyone. i have nothing to wear as our entire wardrobes sit unironed in the family room.....well, actually a few things are being ironed by my husband as i type. apparently the kids have been in the same clothes for 3 days now. no one has really noticed. or cares. they are boys who are happy to free-ball any chance they get. i have been at work, so it hasn't happened on my shift!
playing dress-ups is great when you actually have clothes to put on.
tomorrow i have to ring & lie to a charity organization. because i am stupid. & i seem to help everyone but me. & i have a patient husband who understands the need for space. & great kids. & i have booked in for a facial as soon as school is back. & i will try not to feel guilty. & i am officially banned from that particular thrift store....which is my fave for dress-ups. bugger....