it all started a few weeks ago when my eldest son needed an hawaiian shirt for a themed party - 14yo style. to my sheer disbelief there was not one piece of appropriate clothing to be found in our house. so i was off to ******** (opportunity/thrift store) of course. & there it was in all it's glory. the perfect shirt for him. & hibiscus embellished billabong boardies in his size. what a find.....little did i know that my real life was about to be revealed to me.
after parting with my $6 for both items, somehow i was signed up to volunteer at the store once a month....starting on a tuesday. yes, of course i'd love to. yes the 13th sounds fine. in the bat of an eye i had agreed to volunteer in the middle of school holidays, with an already overloaded schedule, a husband interstate that day & not energy enough to even shake my head. how did that happen? shit. i know i wanted to do more community service....but.....fuck, i can barely clothe myself on my rare days off of late. let alone cook, clean or have sex! now i am fucking volunteering at ********! shit, now i have to lie to them - the thrift store that do so much for the community.... i have an extra child that day & it will be physically impossible - for more than one reason.
how do i get myself into these situations?
so, it appears i am playing dress-ups. i am pretending to be a fabulous svelte little wife & mother, who homecooks every meal, has a spotless house, dresses in beautiful clothes, has an amazingly important & fulfilling job & who never complains.
the truth is i am absolutely exhausted, can barely think about eating, let alone cooking or exercising. the 3 week growth on my legs is annoying even me. i have beard. my floors are filthy. i got my husband nigel's new book - overworked & underlaid - for bedtime reading to keep him busy (& to try & convince him he is not alone). i haven't cooked a meal in 4 nights. i can't be arsed in communicating with anyone. i have nothing to wear as our entire wardrobes sit unironed in the family room.....well, actually a few things are being ironed by my husband as i type. apparently the kids have been in the same clothes for 3 days now. no one has really noticed. or cares. they are boys who are happy to free-ball any chance they get. i have been at work, so it hasn't happened on my shift!
playing dress-ups is great when you actually have clothes to put on.
tomorrow i have to ring & lie to a charity organization. because i am stupid. & i seem to help everyone but me. & i have a patient husband who understands the need for space. & great kids. & i have booked in for a facial as soon as school is back. & i will try not to feel guilty. & i am officially banned from that particular thrift store....which is my fave for dress-ups. bugger....
Thursday, April 8, 2010
i am sitting here with my second cup of coffee & my raspberry & almond muffin thinking...why didn't i put white chocolate chunks in these muffins?
if i was a morning person, i would've cleaned the toilets & showers by now & had the second load of washing on...but alas, i am not a morning person. it appears i am not a late night person either. i was falling asleep on the couch at 8.30 last night.....the joys of years shift work are finally depleting me.
it's been a year since i had a holiday...& in my line of work, that's about 11 months too long! well, it just seems unfair as i have worked all the school holidays in this time. i know i only work a pathetic few days a week, but it still counts. i am one of those mums that loves the holidays...until about the last week of the 8 week xmas break! i love the sleep-ins (having to wake one child at 10.30 this week was pretty funny), the hanging out, the catch ups, the pure relaxing of it all........yes, holidays are great for us non-morning peeps!
today is a day off & i need to make a list, so i actually achieve something. i have been a bit off my game on lists of late. it means i just float along not really achieving much of anything.
great news though...2 days in to a new gig at work & i am loving it. i may never want to return to the old me. maybe i will hang up my baby catching glove for good. this gig is much less messy & noisy, more delegating, more typing & less wiping than i ever imagined my work life to be...there may be no going back. who knew change would be so refreshing?? and clean...
**cupcake wrappers not mine...my memory escapes me - sorry!!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
it would appear i don't have much to say of late...when in fact, i have a lot to say...but it's just too full of expletives to put here. do you have times like that too?
much has happened but not in the crafty goodness way that i would like. but there are some highlights with the lowlights...
i did get a hug from a giant white bunny at work on the weekend. i was truly excited until a colleague told me he was a real creep...then someone else said it was a girl...which i though was much better. relief? not sure. but the bunny gave me an egg! trust me. it was the highlight.
i got the news my brother left his (second) wife. deep down i felt it was good news as he hadn't seemed happy in years & i suspected she was part of that. lets just be discreet & say we are very different! but still a tough situation for the kids. he has a son with her & 2 teen girls with wife #1..the highlight for me was hearing my 15yo neice say well that's great dad as she was a real bitch anyway!! same neice is upset his birthday party this month is cancelled....even though it shouldn't be a highlight, my neice said what everyone else was thinking & that made it a highlight for me! & my brother & i have spoken more this fortnight than in total in the last 5 years. a highlight!
clarity at work. for my man & myself. all in the one week. exhausting & stressful. a pivotal moment when you realise that you need more challenges, leadership & support than can be given where you are & you choose the high road & embrace other challenges. with great people around. definitely a highlight.
end of term 1. we all made it. year 6 & 9 parent teacher interviews. definitely a highlight.
letting go.... of stuff. of friends that are unreliable & have moved on too. of clutter & noise. of preconceived ideas. of the hurt & anger. what a huge highlight....i feel 10kgs lighter. well i know i'm not. but i feel it!
the clogs....from anthropology. what a highlight in my search for clogs! aren't the beautiful...