threes...

yes, i believe things happen in threes. they always do.
this fortnight its been:
1.the glass outdoor table exploding into a trillion pieces right before our eyes at breakfast. quite a freaky site. and quite a freaking mess!
2. a text from 14yo son at 4pm...mum would it be inconvenient to ring you now?....instantly i was suspicious. i return the call to hear that 10yo son has hurt his arm at school. as a nurse & midwife my response is...can you move all your fingers? is it sore? is it swollen? get the gameboy out & see if you can use it. i'll ring you in 15 minutes on my way home.....husband in sydney of course.
walk in the door at 6pm, took one look under the icepack & yep its broken. fracture clinic is my second home. just in time to fly out on the family holiday but all is good.
3. the dryer blows up...
yep...threes! done!

mornings....

i think i've changed. i think i'm a morning person now....or may be i'm just getting old. because old people get up early, even when they don't have to.
all this new work routine has me up early each day. and now, on a saturday, i am awake at 6am without an alarm and ready to get on with the day.
my man says i am like a little goat leaping out of bed each morning, excited to get into the day. trust me, he's never seen me leaping out of bed before!
wow, imagine my excitement....i feel human. i sleep and eat in regular patterns. no shiftwork. i tell you, i've seen the light! there is no going back now.....well, that's the plan anyway. i do love plans and lists remember.

summer yet?

so, it appears that the only way i will survive being holed up wearing my red clogs & poncho (from anthropologie)  in my cottage in europe is to have a constant supply of saki....apparently it warms you up nicely. thanks for the tips nerida!

winter is a chore for me. i sort of hold my breath & get through it trying not to whine...too much. right now, i am dreaming of vegas & the humidity & sun & pool. it is still a few months away but i am gagging for it!

other things....found myself another hairdresser (one of robin hood's mates) who can actually cut hair. she took one look at my '80's hair & rescued me. i'm back baby!! and it feels good.

masterchef...still loving it. bumped into sharnee in the valley yesterday. i soo wanted to hug her & tell her i thought she was fab & that i love young peeps with passion....but i had a hot chocolate milk moustache & thought i may scare her...& i still had my '80's hair then.

dreaming of crafting but lately all my time has been about the career. must be midlife crisis time as i am plotting my path out of shift work. after over 20 years, i am done! so, here i sit surrounded by paperwork, applications, cv & reading upon reading. my little voice told me that this was my year....so, i remain positive & am embracing the journey. it is somewhat unexpected but amazing. so far, it feels good.....step by step.

catch-up...direct from the 1980's

it has been a whirlwind of a month. what have i been up to? where has the time gone?

• eating the best poached eggs at sassafras
• eating & shopping with a friend of over 20yrs who was visiting
• taking 2 steps forward & 6 back with my mother
• trying to let go of the disappointment (again)
• learning that friends move on & change too & that's ok
• reading, reading & more reading

i also am living back in the '80's with my new haircut....remember how my robin hood (man in green tights hairdresser boy) left for sydney to chase his boyfriend...well, i tried a new salon didn't i!
you know when you are sitting there & you just know it's about to go to shit...are you hearing me?? i should've listened to my inner voice & ran....but. i. didn't.
i asked for a stylish chic bob. not anything near the mark i'm afraid. all i heard about was how this tubby pom has trained in london, how shit aussie cutters are, the ex-husband, how she's so experienced, bla, bla, bla... it was a most torturouse 2 hours. now i am left to pick up my legwarmers, find a scrunchie in the drawer & wait for it to grow so it can be fixed! i had this style in 1987 & i didn't need to relive it. really.
i am a leo & i detest bad hair!

but the best thing this month is we have booked a holiday for later in the year!!
we are off to vegas, orlando, washington & new york for 3 weeks. i am very excited. the house sitter is booked, the flights are all booked & now i just have the hotels to book.
i am itching to get my lilly white arse into anthropology, urban outfitters, moma & the likes. and this time i am coming home with a kitchenaid if it kills me. i deliberated last time in san fran about spending $299 on one. not this trip baby. it's all mine.

playing dress-ups

it all started a few weeks ago when my eldest son needed an hawaiian shirt for a themed party - 14yo style. to my sheer disbelief there was not one piece of appropriate clothing to be found in our house. so i was off to ******** (opportunity/thrift store)  of course. & there it was in all it's glory. the perfect shirt for him. & hibiscus embellished billabong boardies in his size. what a find.....little did i know that my real life was about to be revealed to me.

after parting with my $6 for both items, somehow i was signed up to volunteer at the store once a month....starting on a tuesday. yes, of course i'd love to. yes the 13th sounds fine. in the bat of an eye i had agreed to volunteer in the middle of school holidays, with an already overloaded schedule, a husband interstate that day & not energy enough to even shake my head. how did that happen? shit. i know i wanted to do more community service....but.....fuck, i can barely clothe myself on my rare days off of late. let alone cook, clean or have sex! now i am fucking volunteering at ********! shit, now i have to lie to them - the thrift store that do so much for the community.... i have an extra child that day & it will be physically impossible - for more than one reason.

how do i get myself into these situations?

so, it appears i am playing dress-ups. i am pretending to be a fabulous svelte little wife & mother, who homecooks every meal, has a spotless house, dresses in beautiful clothes, has an amazingly important & fulfilling  job & who never complains.

the truth is i am absolutely exhausted, can barely think about eating, let alone cooking or exercising. the 3 week growth on my legs is annoying even me. i have beard. my floors are filthy. i got my husband nigel's new book - overworked & underlaid - for bedtime reading to keep him busy (& to try & convince him he is not alone). i haven't cooked a meal in 4 nights. i can't be arsed in communicating with anyone. i have nothing to wear as our entire wardrobes sit unironed in the family room.....well, actually a few things are being ironed by my husband as i type. apparently the kids have been in the same clothes for 3 days now. no one has really noticed. or cares. they are boys who are happy to free-ball any chance they get. i have been at work, so it hasn't happened on my shift!

playing dress-ups is great when you actually have clothes to put on.

tomorrow i have to ring & lie to a charity organization. because i am stupid. & i seem to help everyone but me. & i have a patient husband who understands the need for space. & great kids. & i have booked in for a facial as soon as school is back. & i will try not to feel guilty. & i am officially banned from that particular thrift store....which is my fave for dress-ups. bugger....

lost for words?

it would appear i don't have much to say of late...when in fact, i have a lot to say...but it's just too full of expletives to put here. do you have times like that too?

much has happened but not in the crafty goodness way that i would like. but there are some highlights with the lowlights...

i did get a hug from a giant white bunny at work on the weekend. i was truly excited until a colleague told me he was a real creep...then someone else said it was a girl...which i though was much better. relief? not sure. but the bunny gave me an egg! trust me. it was the highlight.

i got the news my brother left his (second) wife. deep down i felt it was good news as he hadn't seemed happy in years & i suspected she was part of that. lets just be discreet & say we are very different! but still a tough situation for the kids. he has a son with her & 2 teen girls with wife #1..the highlight for me was hearing my 15yo neice say well that's great dad as she was a real bitch anyway!! same neice is upset his birthday party this month is cancelled....even though it shouldn't be a highlight, my neice said what everyone else was thinking & that made it a highlight for me! & my brother & i have spoken more this fortnight than in total in the last 5 years. a highlight!

clarity at work. for my man & myself. all in the one week. exhausting & stressful. a pivotal moment when you realise that you need more challenges, leadership & support than can be given where you are & you choose the high road & embrace other challenges. with great people around. definitely a highlight.

end of term 1. we all made it. year 6 & 9 parent teacher interviews. definitely a highlight.

letting go.... of stuff. of friends that are unreliable & have moved on too. of clutter & noise. of preconceived ideas. of the hurt & anger. what a huge highlight....i feel 10kgs lighter. well i know i'm not. but i feel it!

the clogs....from anthropology. what a highlight in my search for clogs! aren't the beautiful...

all good

so, i survived another week.....i realised this boy worries me but he's ok. he is fussy but that's how he is. he sat up & ate pork belly (home cooked with love) & asian greens last night. maybe he's got good taste afterall.......

the boys tell me they visited little vietnam town yesterday....which was just really a suburb in our part of the world. we talked at dinner how fab & multicultural australia is. we all love it. we love the asian influence here & couldn't survive without it.

then i realised (not for the first time)....we are just not meat & three veg sort of people. maybe that's why my boy had a hard time with school camp food....it's old school. straight out of the 1980's. my boys have never eaten that sort of food.....it's foreign to them. like bali belly to some that travel to bali who are not familiar with their food.

so, he got bali belly. he's ok. i'm ok. we're all good.

dutch chicks

not so long ago, all i knew about holland was clogs, tulips & the tasty little croquets(?) my old dutch neighbours would cook up when i was 12. remembering, i came from closed minded rural australia & that my mother still refers to anyone with an accent, dark hair /skin or a passport as new australians! really.

i have the most amazing friend who's family brought her to australia from holland at the age of 12. she tells stories of speaking no english, kooky (to aussies) clothes & head flushing at school - all for just being different. i cannot even imagine how difficult her life was back then. i have a deep admiration of this girl & she embraces her uniqueness with an ever present smile. i love her. her talents are many & she is stylish beyond words. i am hoping some style rubs off on me one day...

since discovering blogging, i have discovered more deliciousness than i can imagine about the netherlands & surrounding areas & i just want to be transported there to live for a year. i would be the awkward, daggy, pale little aussie among the strong, stylish, tall dutch chicks. i would just hope i am past the head flushing stage.

blogs like yvestown totally let me escape to another world, if only for a little while. this dutch girl is amazing & i cannot wait to discover more on her blog.

now, i am after dottieangel's clogs & i can tiptoe through the tulips. do they actually wear clogs in the netherlands or is it just a tourist thing? i don't want to be wearing anything kooky & put myself at risk of a head flush...

ps...photo is from yvestown blog & tutorial for crochet garland there also. btw, i had a go but my clogs are pinching my toes &  i need to practice more....

this week

a big week. extra shifts & a workshop that wasn't quite as poke your eye out with a needle boring as what i was led to believe - thank god we had the fill in facilitator!!

my saviour was....indian food & wine last night after overtime & being in the same clothes for 15 hours....well, a shower was good too.

also, i cannot get my mind off granny squares. i have had an image of a rug in my mind for a year now. you know the ones doing the circuit. little explosions of colour within white borders...mmmm.

i really want to be wrapped in mormon goodness in one of kelly's classes & feel that buzz of creativity....except i am pretty sure i wouldn't last long in the mormon group. i swear too much & like a glass of wine with lunch. & i sorta have a problem with rules. i would want to take all the lovely community, family, womanly bits & bathe in that for a while & then get a glass of wine. i don't need more than one glass but i like to have the choice. i am a bit 50percent when it comes to religion too i am afraid. it's just how god made me.....

ps...have you noticed how gorgeous the mormon girls are btw??  i have mentioned it to kelly before & apparently you have to be gorgeous to join up too...xxx

what i should be doing is the ironing....

i am bumming around here reflecting on my busy week & making a journal cover....that doesn't fit the diary it was made for, but fits a notebook. so not all is lost.

kids back into the swing of school & homework.

man still has 2 weeks off.

i am meant to be emailing my cv to someone.....god this job stuff is exhausting. no wonder people just can't be bothered & stay put. it's been 4 years since i've had to apply for anything. it takes energy...

other happenings this week....

• i am wondering why i was having a conversation with my boys about not trying to pee with an erection....like i'd know to be honest!
• where is that international man of mystery when it comes to these talks??
• i am reading the girl most likely by rebecca sparrow. i am sure she was looking down on my life when she wrote it....a funny read & i love a girl that's not afraid of the f- word
• career talk - one step forward & two back.
• yoga...do i join up again?
• wishing my baking mojo would return
• skinny dipping alone...& a shower outside by the pool. the poor neighbours!
• planning another girls night out with the cool chicks from work - they rock!

the universe...

i do believe in putting your dreams out to the universe...not totally in the secret sort of obsessive way but just in a purely positive way.

i have really struggled this fortnight with being positive - mostly on the work front. but yesterday i put on my sparkly mac eyeshadow to get to work & told myself to get over it all & realise that this is my year.

well i tell you what...it worked. within minutes of stepping foot in the door new opportunities presented themselves to me....well that was after i stopped gasping for breath after walking the 120 steps to my floor as punishment for not riding my bike that morning..

i have 2 jobs to apply for now & i am staying positive. i know it will be competetive but i am up for the challenge. i am moving on i tell you. and leaving the misery behind. i got great encouragement from people i respect & if they have faith in me, then why shouldn't i??
i also got to deliver a gorgeous baby boy for an amazing family. so all good really.

i am being told that this year is a great year for me & to stay focused & positive...well it's about fucking time!

yes i know i have shown you this print before but it found me again & it is sooo cute. it's from here.

found this cute quote at a pretty trip that i discovered today.

feeling a little sad to say goodbye to friends who have been staying. you know...easy friends....no hard work involved...a pleasure to have...& now they are missed.
friends we have known for 15 years. our husbands all met doing airtraffic control together. all 3 are still in the aviation industry, but different positions. one even flies for my mate richard...

now we have children aged 17 months to 17 years....& they are all amazing kids. all of our travels have seen us in darwin & canberra together & it doesn't matter how long it's been between visits...it's all just so easy & lovely. and now i miss them & their gorgeous girls. thankfully one lot are living here is this town now, so i get coffees & cuddles more often. the others are in canberra which seems too far away today,,,

tomorrow we are off to the noosa river fishing with our boys. we are set to test the new rods out. it means an early start but i am really looking forward to a family day in the sunshine....life is good!

a great cause...join up!

i have just joined a great cause to help those less fortunate than us. it was started by the talented author bec sparrow & entails donating a mere $10 to a different cause each month for a year.
it is called the first sunday club & as soon as i read about it in the sunday mail, i was in.

and before anyone pulls the old "the money never gets to them" attitude fresh from the 1970's, please give with your heart & have some faith. it's just a miserable excuse you are creating & the world needs less misery, not more.

so, for a mere $10 this month, we are supporting http://www.onethousand.org/ & are helping women & children in afghanistan & pakistan. it is super quick & easy to join & i am sure we could all find/redirect this small amount each month for something great like this!

multiple personalities...

i am a tad exhausted from dealing with the multiple personalities that i deal with at work...colleagues mostly. see, the cool chicks are all on holidays & lets just say that the others are sort of getting to me. i have to figure out their individual multiple personalities as well as get my head around the gen y factor - which to me is a total cop-out of a label & seems to be used when no-one wants to face reality & put these people in their place...don't get me started.

maybe i am the problem?

i am trying to remember what i was like in my 20's....and god i hope i was not like what i now see around me. i shudder to think really. i know i was on a mission to get to the middle east after a short time playing wife with the white picket fence in paddington. it just wasn't me...everyone else wanted it but i ran far far away. i figured i was the problem back then too...

then there are the spinsters who hate everyone & everything & are more likely to continually talk about their long list of health problems & family disputes than ask how anyone else is.

my biggest fear is that i am becoming more like the spinsters except i have sex slightly more often - i hope!

colleagues are hard work sometimes aren't they? surely others have this problem?? we are thrown together for x number of hours in a week when really, we would never have enough in common to stick together for a coffee at chermside together. they probably feel the same about me....

i think my problem is....i miss my buddies & the laughs we have & the old days when you were allowed to joke & laugh & sit around eating popcorn sometimes . i guess this isn't the 90's anymore though is it? but sometimes we need comic relief & i am telling you, sometimes it's laugh or cry...

discovery & rediscovery

new year. new goals. yes?
i am going to call it my year of rediscovery.

firstly, i am thanking 2009 for being my year of discovery....
i discovered that what i call obsessive behaviour is what others apparently call finishing a task
i discovered i do actually like myself & i really enjoy the simple things in life
i discovered that all is not what it seems
i discovered that people do show their true selves eventually...there is only so much hiding one can do
i discovered how to say no & not feel as guilty as i used to
i discovered it is ok to trust that little inner voice & that i should listen more attentively
i discovered i can stick at something & continue to enjoy it...like this blog. this month it is a whole year old. if i thought anyone read it, i would offer a giveaway...cause i love free shit (not a new discovery)

now for the year ahead & the rediscovery of....
the joy of making things for my home
my passion for my job & new career goals...yet to be totally figured out! and i need to get over one of the worst days i have had in a while because right now, it all just sucks...but i live in hope!!
the joy in reading a great book
the joy in lazy days & even more family board games
the joy in my marriage of 14 years
friends who have been neglected these past few years
the joy of fitting into clothes & not looking & feeling like a freakin telly tubby
the art of riding a bike without falling off & having a random bogan honk their horn & laugh at me....i am sticking to the quiet areas around my suburb

on a high note...i have actually finished some projects this weekend. it is really rewarding. some are gifts. others are for my home. and i am in the middle of building a console table with the $25 legs i bought on ebay. lets just say this one is a work in progress...

on a random higher note...i discovered today that a colleague is married to a famous author. and i saw her today. but, shit, i didn't realise who she was until she was gone....now i am going to look like a stalker. i have already told him i am totally in love with his wife. so maybe i sound like a stalker already....like when i strode up to richard branson & called him richard & asked for an autogragh...when everyone else looked airbrushed & were calling him mr branson & he was about to conduct a wedding ceremony in san francisco...but hey, i got the autograph!

merry christmas...

yes, it is christmas eve & i have only just made my wreath & put it on the front door...excuse the photo as i am banned from going out the door. apparently santa is hard at work on something not for my eyes..and the photo is from my iphone.

frankly i am grateful for the end of this year. it has been a shocker for us & i look forward to starting afresh soon.

but we survived it.....well, 5 out of 6 of us survived it. sadly our budgie died a month ago. and i had nothing to do with it. i am still missing him as we had many great memories with that guy. remember the vindaloo dive, the survival of his pedicure & the cornflour rescue? for those who are new, read my posts about this famous little bird.
the rest of the year went a bit like this:

• hysterectomy - check
• man mid-life crisis - check
• worst in-laws in the world - check
• best kids report cards ever - check
• best friends ever - check
• best boys ever - check
• boosted inner strength - check
• more grey hair - check
• some finished craft - check
• alot of unfinished craft - check

i have a lot to be grateful for & i am blessed with some wonderful people around me.
take care & i wish you all a merry christmas & happy new year.
i am off to finish making the rum punch & maybe have a taste test or two.

pre-christmas meltdown

i warned my husband yesterday i could feel a pre-christmas meltdown coming....you know when you know you are about to be a real bitch but just cannot stop yourself. or is that just me?
i have nothing to complain about really. but i think my hormones are just telling me to tread lightly & a pre-warning for the family is always a great idea wouldn't you say?
my remedy for times like this:

• retreat to my study for uninterrupted craft/pretending to craft time
• coffee & a new magazine
• no household chores.....i can dream!
• no one asking me to do something for them...not even get lunch!!

i tried these remedies yesterday afternoon & i had not longer than 10 minutes alone before i had to be interrupted....so, i fear my meltdown may still happen.
i absolutely adore my family & having the boys on holidays but i am also the sort of girl who needs some space too....unlike a certain gorgeous friend who cannot bare her own company......
anyhow, with the boys already being on holidays for 3 weeks & my man also home on long service leave, i have been managing my time in the car on the way to work. and it's not actually working for me people. i am heading off soon for an hour out alone...just a million other shoppers for company!
like a said.....meltdown coming.....you were warned!

ps...photo from flicker

ho ho ho...& a knicker mystery

well i hope you are all more organized than me for this cheery part of the year. november was full of high hopes but my shopping died in the arse big time....even after my great start.

well i got busy....sydney with my mum for a weekend of cafes, window shopping, shopping for me, dancing in the crowd at mamma mia, drinking wine. and that was just sydney.

then a few days at the coast with my boys and man....tennis, monopoly, movies

and then straight after night duty, a quick sleep & off to our little work xmas party. loads of yummy indian food, champagne, wine & a sleepover for me at a girlfriends house.

and then a 2 day recovery. i am so not wine fit at the moment.

and then straight back into work where i never seem to even get to pee, eat or hang with the other cool chicks. same old story....no staff, many babies arriving.

i figured it must be the silly season though as after work yesterday i found my knickers in my bag i take to work...i know i left the house with a pair on. and i returned home with a pair on......so i have a knicker mystery on my hands....& i don't think i shall go on further about that!

and next week it is a friends catch up for kids, dinner with friends, haircuts, a 40th birthday for my man & hopefully the xmas shopping. i struggle with being in the regular saturday morning crowds at the shops, so i will be needing all the help i can get to brave the shops next week. they tell me it is crazy already.

ps... this gorgeous wreath is from here with the tutorial. if only i had time to sit & make it. it is absolutely gorgeous!

hot mess!

no, not britney....me!
i am hot & my house is a mess!
it was about 36 degrees here today & it was so hot i even got in the pool with the boys after school. i am a get in real quick, cool off without getting my hair wet sort of swimmer. you know the type....in & out before i get splashed too much. boys don't get it.
i would much rather head in after dark for a quiet nudie swim when everybody is asleep....well they were supposed to be asleep. we got sprung one night by the kids! very funny story but will spare you the details...at least until another time.
just wanted to say a quick thanks to all the LDS girls who have emailed me/left a comment. you are all so sweet & i wish i could come to one of your crafty sessions....more on LDS again soon.
today was about orthodontists, keeping up fluids, trying the new bakery - choc brownie, carrot cake & cupcakes all winners...it was too hot to cook, cooling down & delaying the housework another day....all in all a lazy day. but i needed it!
ps...photo is not my pool but cool eh? i think it came from realestate.com.au but found it months ago...

LDS...

remember when you were a kid in closed-minded rural australia...well maybe i am reliving my childhood...but you get the idea. well, i remember growing up in a world where there was no other religion other than being a catholic...& you certainly didn't question it or dare to think the hip cute new priest in town was actually cute...i was 18!
as i grew up & saw the locals praying on sundays & banging someone else's husband/wife during the week, i started to question a few things. & no one could really answer my questions adequately. i have no idea why i was dressed up like a miniature bride & confirmed at the age of 12? the best thing about midnight mass on christmas eve was the drinking session at the local pub afterwards...
lets just say i got skeptical & ditched the whole religion thing. instead, i explored the world, different religious points of view & the spiritual world. & i am glad to say i am a better person for it.
the thing is, i keep bumping into the wonderful women of the church of latter day saints. i have been known to hide from answering the door when they come knocking at home, but in the blog world, they are the amazing crafters, mothers & bloggers that i follow & then realise they are LDS. then i pick a new book up & discover a few pages in that it is about a LDS family caught in the middle of the murder of their young daughters....so i am a tad curious. they are quite the community & they have such great support for one another. & big families to share the load......
must visit cjanes site & read some more.....