father's day..... sucks

to me, father's day is a pain in the arse. i know i will burn in hell for muttering these words but i am not known for my holding back.
you see, the infrequent phonecalls i have with my father are all the same. i barely know him. i reconnected after many many years of lost contact. and i try really hard but i struggle to be honest with him & to be myself. i haven't told him we are going on a holiday because i don't want to seem extravagant. he lives very simply & has medical problems but of his own doing. i am trying hard not to sound harsh but i can't help him. i am glad to have contact with him as i see it makes him happy. and in some ways i am more like him than my mother. but our lives are vastly different. and he needs to help himself too. i always ring on special occasions but i have to psych myself up for it.
my step-father is lovely & i respect & love him in a different way. but he's not my father. i can talk more easly with him but it's still pretty superficial.
my husband....is the father of our 2 gorgeous boys & i know he deserves to be treated on father's day. but he's not into fuss & gifts & hoo-har. he was brought up in a harsh disjointed way & never really celebrated anything. it's taken me 15 years to constantly reinstill the importance of occasions & gift giving for our own family traditions. he has no father now & i know tomorrow will bring some inner sadness for him. he never knew his father. he only heard of his death after the fact. he was robbed of the chance to ever know him.
so, for us, it's more about writing words in card for my husband. something from the heart. and maybe a shirt from colorado...

threes...

yes, i believe things happen in threes. they always do.
this fortnight its been:
1.the glass outdoor table exploding into a trillion pieces right before our eyes at breakfast. quite a freaky site. and quite a freaking mess!
2. a text from 14yo son at 4pm...mum would it be inconvenient to ring you now?....instantly i was suspicious. i return the call to hear that 10yo son has hurt his arm at school. as a nurse & midwife my response is...can you move all your fingers? is it sore? is it swollen? get the gameboy out & see if you can use it. i'll ring you in 15 minutes on my way home.....husband in sydney of course.
walk in the door at 6pm, took one look under the icepack & yep its broken. fracture clinic is my second home. just in time to fly out on the family holiday but all is good.
3. the dryer blows up...
yep...threes! done!

lilly white arse

so in a matter of days i will be planting my lilly white arse on a big plane & heading to the excitement of america. first stop - vegas. well, technically its LA but only to get on another plane for vegas. we saw LA 3 years ago & it didn't meet with my expectations....whole other story!

we are doing vegas, orlando, washington & new york!! i think i am more excited than the boys.

but i have a dilemma.....i look like a hairy albino mammoth straight from hibernation. i kid you not. my legs are the hairiest i have ever seen. the brazillian got cancelled last month (i know, the horror) & my vampire-like white sheen will scare small children at the pool in vegas.

the wax is booked (i pity that poor beautician) but i am in a dilemma about the spray tan. i normally get a light spray tan before going on holidays but am reconsidering this time....even though i know white flab is worse than slightly tanned flab.

i try to blend in a little poolside as i always look like the aussie - white, hiding in the shade, 30+ sunscreen & kids covered up too & bored within an hour of sitting. the europeans are letting it all hang out (hair & dangly bits included) & bronzing away oblivious to the word melanoma....the americans are squeezed into a bikini no matter their size & are tanned to within an inch of their life with their silicon boobs popping out. the brits are excited to see sun & blue skies & their skin is screaming for more vitamin d.

my friend trish is off to bali with her sister soon & asked about a spray tan. she is gorgeous & would still look great without one. i am screaming....yes it's fab. do it.....so why am i rethinking it this time? i am not put off by the get naked & stand spread eagle in front of a size 8 beautician while she sprays you from head to toe...bending over to get the butt cheeks properly...no that (surprisingly) doesn't bother me at all. i can tolerate the stench of it & the stickiness & not showering for 12 hours.

maybe i am just becoming more comfortable in my lilly white arse. maybe i want to be natural. maybe i just can't be arsed....await for the screams poolside.

ps...not my lilly white arse in the photo...but a girl can dream!

mornings....

i think i've changed. i think i'm a morning person now....or may be i'm just getting old. because old people get up early, even when they don't have to.
all this new work routine has me up early each day. and now, on a saturday, i am awake at 6am without an alarm and ready to get on with the day.
my man says i am like a little goat leaping out of bed each morning, excited to get into the day. trust me, he's never seen me leaping out of bed before!
wow, imagine my excitement....i feel human. i sleep and eat in regular patterns. no shiftwork. i tell you, i've seen the light! there is no going back now.....well, that's the plan anyway. i do love plans and lists remember.

big baby

having weekends off is a whole new concept for me. it has so many bonuses for family life. the only negative is going places where everyone is on their day off too.

we went for brunch to ben o'donoghue's new surf club cafe at southbank....yummy food our style - hot strong coffees, chilli & coriander, bacon, eggs & prawns & hot smoked salmon. yum!

then lined up for  ron mueck's exhibition. totally amazing. though 14yo son found the in your face nudity a tad confronting initially. he's 14...

we love goma & i always wish we went more often. it's a great family thing to do. and we always stop off for chocolate brownie at togninis cafe. it's tradition....gotta!

summer yet?

so, it appears that the only way i will survive being holed up wearing my red clogs & poncho (from anthropologie)  in my cottage in europe is to have a constant supply of saki....apparently it warms you up nicely. thanks for the tips nerida!

winter is a chore for me. i sort of hold my breath & get through it trying not to whine...too much. right now, i am dreaming of vegas & the humidity & sun & pool. it is still a few months away but i am gagging for it!

other things....found myself another hairdresser (one of robin hood's mates) who can actually cut hair. she took one look at my '80's hair & rescued me. i'm back baby!! and it feels good.

masterchef...still loving it. bumped into sharnee in the valley yesterday. i soo wanted to hug her & tell her i thought she was fab & that i love young peeps with passion....but i had a hot chocolate milk moustache & thought i may scare her...& i still had my '80's hair then.

dreaming of crafting but lately all my time has been about the career. must be midlife crisis time as i am plotting my path out of shift work. after over 20 years, i am done! so, here i sit surrounded by paperwork, applications, cv & reading upon reading. my little voice told me that this was my year....so, i remain positive & am embracing the journey. it is somewhat unexpected but amazing. so far, it feels good.....step by step.

catch-up...direct from the 1980's

it has been a whirlwind of a month. what have i been up to? where has the time gone?

• eating the best poached eggs at sassafras
• eating & shopping with a friend of over 20yrs who was visiting
• taking 2 steps forward & 6 back with my mother
• trying to let go of the disappointment (again)
• learning that friends move on & change too & that's ok
• reading, reading & more reading

i also am living back in the '80's with my new haircut....remember how my robin hood (man in green tights hairdresser boy) left for sydney to chase his boyfriend...well, i tried a new salon didn't i!
you know when you are sitting there & you just know it's about to go to shit...are you hearing me?? i should've listened to my inner voice & ran....but. i. didn't.
i asked for a stylish chic bob. not anything near the mark i'm afraid. all i heard about was how this tubby pom has trained in london, how shit aussie cutters are, the ex-husband, how she's so experienced, bla, bla, bla... it was a most torturouse 2 hours. now i am left to pick up my legwarmers, find a scrunchie in the drawer & wait for it to grow so it can be fixed! i had this style in 1987 & i didn't need to relive it. really.
i am a leo & i detest bad hair!

but the best thing this month is we have booked a holiday for later in the year!!
we are off to vegas, orlando, washington & new york for 3 weeks. i am very excited. the house sitter is booked, the flights are all booked & now i just have the hotels to book.
i am itching to get my lilly white arse into anthropology, urban outfitters, moma & the likes. and this time i am coming home with a kitchenaid if it kills me. i deliberated last time in san fran about spending $299 on one. not this trip baby. it's all mine.