dilemma

my dilemma is....do i be honest & blurt out on my blog about my real life? do people really care?do people really want to know anyway? who am i writing this for anyway?
sitting on the couch in the sunshine, i am deciding that this blog was for me & i never really expected anyone to read it....in fact, only a handful of real life friends even know about it. and it was sort of meant to be about me & my journey....a totally selfish indulgence where i could write what i thought & write about my crafty obsessions that are often left unfinished.....and about my journey in this life....so here it is.....

on monday i had a hysterectomy. no gory details required. i am 40 & i never thought i would be having such surgery. in the end though, the other options failed me & with much anguish, i signed up....let me tell you, there is such a thing as ignorance is bliss!

having a nursing background definitely has its drawbacks when you are suddenly the patient. knowing what could go wrong has drawbacks...and, i have a husband who is allergic to the mere smell of a hospital. he is in constant pain when inside one....as a visitor. this is totally true & his pain is visible.

exhausting stuff....having to be checked in at 6am, put to sleep by 8am, had my gorgeous female doctor do her work on me for nearly 3 hours, have $100 stolen from my wallet while in surgery & vomiting for 12 hours takes its toll.... needless to say, i survived the ordeal & could not wait to leave 2 days after my surgery. the bags were packed & ghd cooling by the time my pale lonely poached egg arrived under it's steel dome for breakfast. private hospitals still do mass produced hospital food that is delivered by grumpy italian kitchen staff. and because i signed a form to release the hospital of any liability if anything was stolen, my $100 was an unfortunate incident....never mind that my bags were in their care while i was fucking anaesthetised!...this annoyed me as i had dreamt about this happening in the days leading up to my surgery & meant to give my husband the money from my wallet....sounds allison dubois crazy i know, but that is me i am afraid. so, doubly annoying that i knew it would happen & still did nothing about it....go figure....

so now, i get 6 weeks off work to recover & contemplate life without ever having a period again...sounds like bliss to me! the truth is....i don't actually have much pain. i haven't taken more than panadol & it all seems a little too good to be true. i get to sit & watch my husband do all the chores & ferry the boys to school. i am feeling a tad guilty but have been told by everybody to do nothing for a few weeks.....

so what's a girl to do? sit back, relax & place orders for tea as i see it.....seriously, it is hard to watch him do it all. and it is only day 3. the days are long. the daytime television is very bad....thank god for foxtel, the internet & wireless broadband i say. when i can drive in a few more weeks, all our lives will improve....