in the stars...

mothers always feel guilty...no?

i don't like to get involved in the working/staying at home mother debate. it's not healthy.

we made a decision early that one of us would hang at home. my career went on hold. we travelled around the country for my man's work, i worked a few days (or nights) a week & the boys had me home mostly. now it's my time. i feel a little selfish at times....

it was in my stars....everything i read last year was about a little leo growing up & moving up.it felt like whatever i dreamed of, i got. don't get me wrong. it was hard work too. but i set my mind to something & i achieved it. the universe aligned & now i have a dream job. sometimes you just have to believe.

photo is one of poh's paintings...remember i discovered her before she was on masterchef??

jumping through hoops

i am unsure where the months go.
i have jumped through alot of hoops lately though.
today i feel strong. other days, not so much. hormones. life.
change is great though.
on a crafty note.....i have squeezed in a few sessions of late. the ironing & housework just has to wait sometimes. the crafting quiets my soul & brings me joy.
this teeny embroidery hoop was made with love from recycled cloth, vintage buttons & transfer paper. it took me longer to figure out how to print in mirror mage than to make the whole thing....i made another but it was gifted before i photographed it. it had red & white spot bunting. really cute.
jumping through hoops...

new year

somehow my holidays are nearly done & i am back at work in 2 days....how does that happen?
in typical 50percent fashion, i am still to get gifts to friends i work with. my brooch making came to a halt when the rainy weather wouldn't let my paint dry & so i lost interest....am back into it today despite the rain.
we have a new baby in the family...he is a tiny maltelier puppy & as we are first time dog owners, i am the typically annoying 42yo first-time mother at the vet with a million questions. i am surprised at how in love with him i am as i have never been a dog sorta gal. he has melted me though.....despite the toilet training & 0430hr starts most mornings. man he is cute!
the rain continues & i am reaching for my inner craft diva to make use of my last few days of holidays....i am going to let the kids (fur children included) fend for themselves (they have a new x-box bought yesterday with savings & a 15yo niece to entertain) & be totally selfish for the day i've decided.....& finish something for god's sake! am off to find my rainbow....
print by dazeychic on etsy...love her style

christmas ready or not....

i am probably the most disorganized i have ever been for christmas. barely any gifts sorted. man's birthday tomorrow & no gift yet.
i am curiously calm though.
another storm is coming & i am looking forward to smelling the rain.
i am making brooches & dreaming of doillies.
my first day of holidays & i am just catching my breath.

photo from creature comforts

holidays....

this photo made me smile last night in bed with the iphone in the blackout.

i got home from a long 12 hour day at work....my last day before 3 weeks holiday! my family had dinner cooking. then....lights out. the storm nuked all power for a few hours. the candles were lit. dinner served in bowls, books read by candlelight & the 4 of us chatting & having laughs in the dark together...for hours.

i'm not sure about anyone else, but we are pretty routine in the evening - dinner together, clean up together, showers & then chill time (often with the boys upstairs & the 2 of us catching up on the couch. bedtimes are apparently strict in our house. well, so my kids tell me....i think it's just fine. more often than not of late, they are tucking me into bed!

last night was just beautiful. i sat on the couch, had dinner served to me, kids hanging around reading joining in the convo & man & i enjoying a glass of wine together. lovely family time.
we both commented that thanks to mother nature, we had an unexpected peachy family night in.

sometimes it really is the little things....

photo from how about orange

booty...

i have booty....yes, my arse is big, but i am talking booty from holidays....crafty, delicious, exciting booty direct from places like...
purl soho - omg the most gorgeous shop. the photo above is from their embroidery hoop display. this place is pure porn for the crafty chicks out there. i visited twice & was so overwhelmed i couldn't decide what to buy...madness. i do have a little fabric bundle, felt buttons & tiny embroidery hoops though....& freezer paper for stenciling...in fact, 12 metres of the stuff. shit i can stencil a whole freaking room! 
moma - i have nyc in a bag. it was a rainy day & busy indoors but amazing to see up close the works of the great artists of the world... breathtakingly close up!
kiteya - amazingly gorgeous little bag from a beautiful japanese store in soho. nerida, you would wet your pants...in a good happy way! i was literally nearly wetting my pants as loos are hard to come by in nyc & i had my 3 boys waiting outside hungry, so a short quick shop.
verbena - i have bookplates & a cute little lunch bag to take to work each day...from shirlington village, washington dc. this village was picture book perfect & we stayed here for 4 nights & totally adored the dog friendly village atmosphere among the locals.
limelight market - an incedible church turned boutique market place...beautiful & i regret not snapping away for photos....i have lacey coaster goodness & a new teacup with silicon lid.
meatpacking district markets - i have gorgeous earrings from a street stall. this was a relaxing day in the sunshine & a walk along the high line....this is worthy of a post all it's own.
anthropologie - i have teatowels with crochet edges from this extremely overpriced store. must admit, i was disappointed. their stores are huge & beautiful to browse around but mostly quite overpriced.
disneyworld - i have jedi mickey & darthvader goofy (there is a story behind that)
madison park market - i have graffiti art photos for framing
banana republic - cute little pieces of clothing that make me smile
swarovski crystal - i have the most beautiful ring that shimmers brightly & changes colour depending on the light.
totally amazing booty! shit hot booty. shake your arse booty!

i'm back baby!

wow, have i got loads to share & talk about!!

we landed back on aussie soil early tuesday morning....after a 20 hour journey from new york. i have had the best holiday ever & am totally in love with nyc & it's vibrant energy.
so, i still have the half written postcards from vegas in my bag, the washing is almost done & i have big plans for a travel blog......but don't hold your breath. remember i'm 50percentkaz!
i am however, the happiest & most relaxed i've been in a very long time....& it feels great. i have a huge endorphin-like high going on & what a buzz it is.

the craft itch has me scratching though & i am totally obsessed with vintage telephones & doilies (still). so, this weekend i am stitching me up a little something & chasing down a stamp i have been lusting after for some time. my brooch obsession continues also, so look out!

as i am obsessed with vintage phones, i just bought this one & i cannot wait for it to arrive in the post. so excited. isn't she beautiful??

new look

i am escaping into blogworld for some play. i am mucking around with new templates, so things could get messy here for a bit.....

father's day..... sucks

to me, father's day is a pain in the arse. i know i will burn in hell for muttering these words but i am not known for my holding back.
you see, the infrequent phonecalls i have with my father are all the same. i barely know him. i reconnected after many many years of lost contact. and i try really hard but i struggle to be honest with him & to be myself. i haven't told him we are going on a holiday because i don't want to seem extravagant. he lives very simply & has medical problems but of his own doing. i am trying hard not to sound harsh but i can't help him. i am glad to have contact with him as i see it makes him happy. and in some ways i am more like him than my mother. but our lives are vastly different. and he needs to help himself too. i always ring on special occasions but i have to psych myself up for it.
my step-father is lovely & i respect & love him in a different way. but he's not my father. i can talk more easly with him but it's still pretty superficial.
my husband....is the father of our 2 gorgeous boys & i know he deserves to be treated on father's day. but he's not into fuss & gifts & hoo-har. he was brought up in a harsh disjointed way & never really celebrated anything. it's taken me 15 years to constantly reinstill the importance of occasions & gift giving for our own family traditions. he has no father now & i know tomorrow will bring some inner sadness for him. he never knew his father. he only heard of his death after the fact. he was robbed of the chance to ever know him.
so, for us, it's more about writing words in card for my husband. something from the heart. and maybe a shirt from colorado...

threes...

yes, i believe things happen in threes. they always do.
this fortnight its been:
1.the glass outdoor table exploding into a trillion pieces right before our eyes at breakfast. quite a freaky site. and quite a freaking mess!
2. a text from 14yo son at 4pm...mum would it be inconvenient to ring you now?....instantly i was suspicious. i return the call to hear that 10yo son has hurt his arm at school. as a nurse & midwife my response is...can you move all your fingers? is it sore? is it swollen? get the gameboy out & see if you can use it. i'll ring you in 15 minutes on my way home.....husband in sydney of course.
walk in the door at 6pm, took one look under the icepack & yep its broken. fracture clinic is my second home. just in time to fly out on the family holiday but all is good.
3. the dryer blows up...
yep...threes! done!

lilly white arse

so in a matter of days i will be planting my lilly white arse on a big plane & heading to the excitement of america. first stop - vegas. well, technically its LA but only to get on another plane for vegas. we saw LA 3 years ago & it didn't meet with my expectations....whole other story!

we are doing vegas, orlando, washington & new york!! i think i am more excited than the boys.

but i have a dilemma.....i look like a hairy albino mammoth straight from hibernation. i kid you not. my legs are the hairiest i have ever seen. the brazillian got cancelled last month (i know, the horror) & my vampire-like white sheen will scare small children at the pool in vegas.

the wax is booked (i pity that poor beautician) but i am in a dilemma about the spray tan. i normally get a light spray tan before going on holidays but am reconsidering this time....even though i know white flab is worse than slightly tanned flab.

i try to blend in a little poolside as i always look like the aussie - white, hiding in the shade, 30+ sunscreen & kids covered up too & bored within an hour of sitting. the europeans are letting it all hang out (hair & dangly bits included) & bronzing away oblivious to the word melanoma....the americans are squeezed into a bikini no matter their size & are tanned to within an inch of their life with their silicon boobs popping out. the brits are excited to see sun & blue skies & their skin is screaming for more vitamin d.

my friend trish is off to bali with her sister soon & asked about a spray tan. she is gorgeous & would still look great without one. i am screaming....yes it's fab. do it.....so why am i rethinking it this time? i am not put off by the get naked & stand spread eagle in front of a size 8 beautician while she sprays you from head to toe...bending over to get the butt cheeks properly...no that (surprisingly) doesn't bother me at all. i can tolerate the stench of it & the stickiness & not showering for 12 hours.

maybe i am just becoming more comfortable in my lilly white arse. maybe i want to be natural. maybe i just can't be arsed....await for the screams poolside.

ps...not my lilly white arse in the photo...but a girl can dream!

mornings....

i think i've changed. i think i'm a morning person now....or may be i'm just getting old. because old people get up early, even when they don't have to.
all this new work routine has me up early each day. and now, on a saturday, i am awake at 6am without an alarm and ready to get on with the day.
my man says i am like a little goat leaping out of bed each morning, excited to get into the day. trust me, he's never seen me leaping out of bed before!
wow, imagine my excitement....i feel human. i sleep and eat in regular patterns. no shiftwork. i tell you, i've seen the light! there is no going back now.....well, that's the plan anyway. i do love plans and lists remember.

big baby

having weekends off is a whole new concept for me. it has so many bonuses for family life. the only negative is going places where everyone is on their day off too.

we went for brunch to ben o'donoghue's new surf club cafe at southbank....yummy food our style - hot strong coffees, chilli & coriander, bacon, eggs & prawns & hot smoked salmon. yum!

then lined up for  ron mueck's exhibition. totally amazing. though 14yo son found the in your face nudity a tad confronting initially. he's 14...

we love goma & i always wish we went more often. it's a great family thing to do. and we always stop off for chocolate brownie at togninis cafe. it's tradition....gotta!

summer yet?

so, it appears that the only way i will survive being holed up wearing my red clogs & poncho (from anthropologie)  in my cottage in europe is to have a constant supply of saki....apparently it warms you up nicely. thanks for the tips nerida!

winter is a chore for me. i sort of hold my breath & get through it trying not to whine...too much. right now, i am dreaming of vegas & the humidity & sun & pool. it is still a few months away but i am gagging for it!

other things....found myself another hairdresser (one of robin hood's mates) who can actually cut hair. she took one look at my '80's hair & rescued me. i'm back baby!! and it feels good.

masterchef...still loving it. bumped into sharnee in the valley yesterday. i soo wanted to hug her & tell her i thought she was fab & that i love young peeps with passion....but i had a hot chocolate milk moustache & thought i may scare her...& i still had my '80's hair then.

dreaming of crafting but lately all my time has been about the career. must be midlife crisis time as i am plotting my path out of shift work. after over 20 years, i am done! so, here i sit surrounded by paperwork, applications, cv & reading upon reading. my little voice told me that this was my year....so, i remain positive & am embracing the journey. it is somewhat unexpected but amazing. so far, it feels good.....step by step.

catch-up...direct from the 1980's

it has been a whirlwind of a month. what have i been up to? where has the time gone?

• eating the best poached eggs at sassafras
• eating & shopping with a friend of over 20yrs who was visiting
• taking 2 steps forward & 6 back with my mother
• trying to let go of the disappointment (again)
• learning that friends move on & change too & that's ok
• reading, reading & more reading

i also am living back in the '80's with my new haircut....remember how my robin hood (man in green tights hairdresser boy) left for sydney to chase his boyfriend...well, i tried a new salon didn't i!
you know when you are sitting there & you just know it's about to go to shit...are you hearing me?? i should've listened to my inner voice & ran....but. i. didn't.
i asked for a stylish chic bob. not anything near the mark i'm afraid. all i heard about was how this tubby pom has trained in london, how shit aussie cutters are, the ex-husband, how she's so experienced, bla, bla, bla... it was a most torturouse 2 hours. now i am left to pick up my legwarmers, find a scrunchie in the drawer & wait for it to grow so it can be fixed! i had this style in 1987 & i didn't need to relive it. really.
i am a leo & i detest bad hair!

but the best thing this month is we have booked a holiday for later in the year!!
we are off to vegas, orlando, washington & new york for 3 weeks. i am very excited. the house sitter is booked, the flights are all booked & now i just have the hotels to book.
i am itching to get my lilly white arse into anthropology, urban outfitters, moma & the likes. and this time i am coming home with a kitchenaid if it kills me. i deliberated last time in san fran about spending $299 on one. not this trip baby. it's all mine.

playing dress-ups

it all started a few weeks ago when my eldest son needed an hawaiian shirt for a themed party - 14yo style. to my sheer disbelief there was not one piece of appropriate clothing to be found in our house. so i was off to ******** (opportunity/thrift store)  of course. & there it was in all it's glory. the perfect shirt for him. & hibiscus embellished billabong boardies in his size. what a find.....little did i know that my real life was about to be revealed to me.

after parting with my $6 for both items, somehow i was signed up to volunteer at the store once a month....starting on a tuesday. yes, of course i'd love to. yes the 13th sounds fine. in the bat of an eye i had agreed to volunteer in the middle of school holidays, with an already overloaded schedule, a husband interstate that day & not energy enough to even shake my head. how did that happen? shit. i know i wanted to do more community service....but.....fuck, i can barely clothe myself on my rare days off of late. let alone cook, clean or have sex! now i am fucking volunteering at ********! shit, now i have to lie to them - the thrift store that do so much for the community.... i have an extra child that day & it will be physically impossible - for more than one reason.

how do i get myself into these situations?

so, it appears i am playing dress-ups. i am pretending to be a fabulous svelte little wife & mother, who homecooks every meal, has a spotless house, dresses in beautiful clothes, has an amazingly important & fulfilling  job & who never complains.

the truth is i am absolutely exhausted, can barely think about eating, let alone cooking or exercising. the 3 week growth on my legs is annoying even me. i have beard. my floors are filthy. i got my husband nigel's new book - overworked & underlaid - for bedtime reading to keep him busy (& to try & convince him he is not alone). i haven't cooked a meal in 4 nights. i can't be arsed in communicating with anyone. i have nothing to wear as our entire wardrobes sit unironed in the family room.....well, actually a few things are being ironed by my husband as i type. apparently the kids have been in the same clothes for 3 days now. no one has really noticed. or cares. they are boys who are happy to free-ball any chance they get. i have been at work, so it hasn't happened on my shift!

playing dress-ups is great when you actually have clothes to put on.

tomorrow i have to ring & lie to a charity organization. because i am stupid. & i seem to help everyone but me. & i have a patient husband who understands the need for space. & great kids. & i have booked in for a facial as soon as school is back. & i will try not to feel guilty. & i am officially banned from that particular thrift store....which is my fave for dress-ups. bugger....

not a morning person

i am sitting here with my second cup of coffee & my raspberry & almond muffin thinking...why didn't i put white chocolate chunks in these muffins?

if i was a morning person, i would've cleaned the toilets & showers by now & had the second load of washing on...but alas, i am not a morning person. it appears i am not a late night person either. i was falling asleep on the couch at 8.30 last night.....the joys of years shift work are finally depleting me.

it's been a year since i had a holiday...& in my line of work, that's about 11 months too long! well, it just seems unfair as i have worked all the school holidays in this time. i know i only work a pathetic few days a week, but it still counts. i am one of those mums that loves the holidays...until about the last week of the 8 week xmas break! i love the sleep-ins (having to wake one child at 10.30 this week was pretty funny), the hanging out, the catch ups, the pure relaxing of it all........yes, holidays are great for us non-morning peeps!

today is a day off & i need to make a list, so i actually achieve something. i have been a bit off my game on lists of late. it means i just float along not really achieving much of anything.

great news though...2 days in to a new gig at work & i am loving it. i may never want to return to the old me. maybe i will hang up my baby catching glove for good. this gig is much less messy & noisy, more delegating, more typing & less wiping than i ever imagined my work life to be...there may be no going back. who knew change would be so refreshing?? and clean...

**cupcake wrappers not mine...my memory escapes me - sorry!!

lost for words?

it would appear i don't have much to say of late...when in fact, i have a lot to say...but it's just too full of expletives to put here. do you have times like that too?

much has happened but not in the crafty goodness way that i would like. but there are some highlights with the lowlights...

i did get a hug from a giant white bunny at work on the weekend. i was truly excited until a colleague told me he was a real creep...then someone else said it was a girl...which i though was much better. relief? not sure. but the bunny gave me an egg! trust me. it was the highlight.

i got the news my brother left his (second) wife. deep down i felt it was good news as he hadn't seemed happy in years & i suspected she was part of that. lets just be discreet & say we are very different! but still a tough situation for the kids. he has a son with her & 2 teen girls with wife #1..the highlight for me was hearing my 15yo neice say well that's great dad as she was a real bitch anyway!! same neice is upset his birthday party this month is cancelled....even though it shouldn't be a highlight, my neice said what everyone else was thinking & that made it a highlight for me! & my brother & i have spoken more this fortnight than in total in the last 5 years. a highlight!

clarity at work. for my man & myself. all in the one week. exhausting & stressful. a pivotal moment when you realise that you need more challenges, leadership & support than can be given where you are & you choose the high road & embrace other challenges. with great people around. definitely a highlight.

end of term 1. we all made it. year 6 & 9 parent teacher interviews. definitely a highlight.

letting go.... of stuff. of friends that are unreliable & have moved on too. of clutter & noise. of preconceived ideas. of the hurt & anger. what a huge highlight....i feel 10kgs lighter. well i know i'm not. but i feel it!

the clogs....from anthropology. what a highlight in my search for clogs! aren't the beautiful...

newfound loves...

olive manna is one of my newfound loves. it's paper & textiles & delicious photos...go there for a peek. it is heaven to me. i need some cotton reels & stickers.... they are gorgeous!

the good fairy is another. of course the translation tool helps! norwegian has never been my best language. great retro fabric, crafting, scandi peeks & links...

armellejewelry is another...for all sorts of reasons. eye candy, food & kids stuff. as well as bling.
have a look. she has some great stuff.

all good

so, i survived another week.....i realised this boy worries me but he's ok. he is fussy but that's how he is. he sat up & ate pork belly (home cooked with love) & asian greens last night. maybe he's got good taste afterall.......

the boys tell me they visited little vietnam town yesterday....which was just really a suburb in our part of the world. we talked at dinner how fab & multicultural australia is. we all love it. we love the asian influence here & couldn't survive without it.

then i realised (not for the first time)....we are just not meat & three veg sort of people. maybe that's why my boy had a hard time with school camp food....it's old school. straight out of the 1980's. my boys have never eaten that sort of food.....it's foreign to them. like bali belly to some that travel to bali who are not familiar with their food.

so, he got bali belly. he's ok. i'm ok. we're all good.